Friday, April 30, 2010

Shit. Just. Got. Real.

Whew... Okay, I need to take a breath before this one.

On the May 3rd episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show, the Daytime-Television Goddess is going head-to-head with the Runway/Battery Goddess: Miss Naomi Campbell, herself.

I just... I can't. There are simply too many good ones for me to choose from.


Oprah's Give-Away:
 "You get a Blackberry across the mouth! And you! And you! Everybody in the audience is getting their own, personal accessory-assault session with Naomi and her weapon of choice! Whoo-hoooo!"

Oprah's No-Phone Zone Pledge (in which people sign an agreement not to talk while driving):
Naomi: "Does that include using one's phone to make a point across the head of one's personal assistant?"
Oprah: "Of course."
Naomi: "...Then no."

Oprah and Naomi discuss "weight issues":
Oprah: "Have you ever struggled with your weight, Naomi?"
Naomi: "Of course, Oprah. It's really hard being as skinny as I am... Especially when you need that extra bit of leverage while smacking the sass out of the hired help. People just don't understand."

Oprah and Naomi say goodbye:
Oprah: "Well, it was really great having you here, Naomi. Thank you."
Naomi: "Thank you, Oprah. And I'm sorry for yanking your hair and calling you a bitch during the commercial break. It's just that... you looked me in the eye, you know?"
Oprah: "I know."
Naomi: (to someone off-screen) "Okay, get me the hell out of here."
Oprah: "Okay. Now, tomorrow, we will be having Tyra Banks on the show to discuss her thriving career and continued success."
Naomi: *Takes her earrings off, cracks knuckles.*

(The End... of Oprah Winfrey's face.)


I. Can't. Wait.

No comments:

Post a Comment