A fruit punch-lipped LeAnn Rimes, donning a sophisticated (aka boring) Lanvin dress.
A lady named Laura Bell Bundy (the who?) rocking a beautifully draping Tony Ward gown.
Some random bitch wearing a pale violet Marchesa dress, and lookin' pretty damn beautiful.
(For a no-name extra, that is.)
A rather delectable-looking Carrie Underwood, in a silky, creamy creation.
(I shouldn't have skipped dessert.)
And of course, the belle of the ball:
Crazy-ass Nicole Kidman, dressed like a...
Aw hell, I can't decide between "Botox penguin" or "Slutty Marching Band Conductor."
Which begs the question: which could I get more mileage out of?
The synergy of a penguin's naturally freezing habitat and Nicole's "ice queen" persona...
The mental image of Nicole leading a line of marching hookers down a back alley, complete with a baton and whistle.
Whenever I am forced to ask myself questions like these, I am haunted by a ringing refrain in the back of my mind:
You. Need. A. Job.