Sunday, April 18, 2010

ACM Beauty

The American Country Music Awards aired on Sunday night, and the event's orange carpet was aglow with a bunch of beautiful dresses... and one hilarious misstep.

 A fruit punch-lipped LeAnn Rimes, donning a sophisticated (aka boring) Lanvin dress.

A lady named Laura Bell Bundy (the who?) rocking a beautifully draping Tony Ward gown.

Some random bitch wearing a pale violet Marchesa dress, and lookin' pretty damn beautiful. 
(For a no-name extra, that is.)

A rather delectable-looking Carrie Underwood, in a silky, creamy creation.
(I shouldn't have skipped dessert.)

 And of course, the belle of the ball:

Crazy-ass Nicole Kidman, dressed like a...
Aw hell, I can't decide between "Botox penguin" or "Slutty Marching Band Conductor."

Which begs the question: which could I get more mileage out of?

The synergy of a penguin's naturally freezing habitat and Nicole's "ice queen" persona...


The mental image of Nicole leading a line of marching hookers down a back alley, complete with a baton and whistle.


Whenever I am forced to ask myself questions like these, I am haunted by a ringing refrain in the back of my mind:

You. Need. A. Job.

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