Monday, May 31, 2010

Sessilee Lopez is NOT Happy About This.

This 25 Magazine editorial, featuring Sessilee Lopez shot by Marcin Tyszka, showcases the dark-skinned model prowling around an elegant estate in some of the more beautiful dresses that Spring-Summer 2010 had to offer.

(And when I say "prowling," I don't mean it in the purely fashion sense. I mean it in the looking for a bitch to cut sense.)

The title is "Couture Savage," but I much prefer mine:

"Things That Piss Sessilee Lopez Off":

(Only a true diva goes all "Bitch-Paparazzi-NO!" during a photoshoot...)

Luxurious Couches.
(Although, having your garment upstaged by the furniture is rough, so I'll give her this one.)

Putting Her Feet on the Upholstery.
(She aint no Dave Chappelle.)

Acting Like a Cat.
(Unless said act includes clawing a bitch's cheek.)

Being Dressed as a Lion-Tamer.
(Two Words: Stank. Face.)

Getting Dirt on her Ruffles.
(Which sounds like some sort of innuendo, but... no.)

Getting Her Picture Taken When She's Trying to Take A Nap.
(... On the floor. In a several-thousand dollar dress. Hard knocks.)

[photos: Fashiontography]

Liquid Lighting

Bronze-casting company Studio Job teamed up with crystal-blowing Pieke Bergmans to create this imagination-stroking collection of lamps, titled (appropriately enough) Wonderlamp.

If they meant for the title of the collection to be a play on "Wonderland," then I think they've totally got the right idea.

Cuz these?

Would cause little, naive Alice to check her temperature, cross herself, and up her dosage:

Now, I'm not really sure of how effective any of these lamps would be in a darkened room, but I do know that they would totally eliminate the need for the warming glow of a lit television screen.

(I'd gladly forsake the 4,000-pound teen documentaries and reality-whore competitions for a night of open-mouthed staring hosted by any of these. And I'd respect myself more afterward.)

Scraptacular Spectacular

Young designer Anna Holvik created her Central Saint Martins graduate collection by drawing inspiration from eco-friendly greenhouses, science fiction writers such as Geroge Orwell, and the idea of using sheer coats as both an extension and protector of the body.

Forgoing the luxurious appeal of tulles and satins, Holvik instead decided to construct her garments with materials found in industrial greenhouses, taking the relationship between inspiration and end result to the next level.

Now, a couple of these (meaning: the majority) kinda look like homegirl prowled a workroom floor, picking up any leftover scraps with which to construct her coats...

(You know, the "Olsen Twin" approach to layering?)

But rather than ending up with a rag-tag bunch of hobo garments, these looks all seem to convey a sense of dignified elegance that, frankly, kinda blew me away.

Close Encounters of the Chic -meets- Homeless Lady with a Tarp Wrapped Around Her Shoulders.

... Yep, those two Olsens are gonna be all over this.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Worth a Thousand Words

Photographer Terry Richardson recently had a photoshoot with supermodels Freja Beha and Lara Stone.

As would be expected from Terry, the shoot consisted of lots of brightly-lit photos, taken against a stark white background.

Pretty much par for the course.

However, these two shots struck me as totally scrapbook-worthy.

You'll see why:

Okay, now go back and look at those two brilliant glamour-shots again, while repeating the phrase "Supermodels" in your head.

... Fun, right?

Zombie Bohemian Sasha

This editorial with Sasha Pivovarova, shot by Emma Summerton for Vogue Italia, features the supermodel styled to look like the lovechild of Raggedy Ann and the "Beetlejuice" character seen above.

(You know, if it were in fact possible for an undead office worker and a rag-doll to procreate...)

Still though, Undead-Sasha is looking might fierce here, and the tie-dyed Blumarine dresses that she's wearing are doing their best to help her breathe some life into the shoot.

"Bohemian Way"

"I'll get up to eat your brains in a sec... Just let me catch my breath first," said the lazy-ass zombie who knows damn well that she don't need to breathe.

Sasha smokes a cig and wonders when exactly her life took a wrong turn.
(Hint: It was right around the time you died, girl.)

Done with thinking, Sasha decides to lay around for a bit.
(Hey, it got her pretty far as a model in life, didn't it? 
...You stick with what works.)

In a moment of horror, Sasha catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror...
Apparently, the phrase "thin as a corpse" holds far less comfort now than it did when she was alive.

Death's a bitch.

R.I.P. Sasha. 

(Look forward to seeing you next season, though!)

[photos: PaperMode]

Sandra Backlund's Got Some HANDS

Incredible Swedish designer Sandra Backlund is a woman who is totally unafraid of getting her hands dirty.

Meaning: Rather than pumping out look-after-manufactured-look, she instead opts for improvisation and innovation in both design and method, creating amazingly detailed garments that would blow the satin socks off of the "Project Runway" judges.

These are the kinds of looks that make me want to breathlessly ask their creator: "How did you do that?"

To which I'm sure she would respond by simply holding up her two hands with a smile.

... I, of course, would then proceed to make an ass of myself by coddling and kissing them, forcing her to call security and have me escorted off her property.

Oh, did I forget to mention that this would all happen at her place of residence? Cuz...yeah.

That's how impressed I am with these. Sue me.

(I'm sure you can be co-plaintiffs with one Sandra Backlund.)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Sudden Craving for a Bowl of Oranges...

This stunning editorial, shot by Ruven Afanador for Yo Dona EspaƱa magazine, forced me to look at a hairstyle (the dyed-orange bowl cut) in a whole new light.

(Namely, one where it's okay.)

Hope you enjoy!

Yeah, he totally made the right decision. 
(She's way hotter than her friend.)

The set-up looks about right, but I don't see the easels and neon orange paint that would be necessary for a portrait.
Fashion = confusing.

Ghost Tranny #1: "I cannot believe she showed up in that and ruined my big entrance."

Four gluttonous animals, one brightly-colored ball... Hmm.
Shot from above, and with a little repositioning, this would look just like a game of "Hungry, Hungry Hippos."

This is why you don't give champagne to an attention-hungry, 100-pound model right before the shoot.
This, exactly.

My only guess would be that they couldn't acquire the rights to showing that statue, and had to find a creative way to obscure it...
Whatever works.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


This post is gonna focus on the many covers of V Magazine that have somehow left their models looking as though they're about to join Marie Antoinette for tea and gossip...

Meaning: That damn V is tryin' to lop a trick's head off!

Seriously though, this triflin' letter obviously can't handle sharing the cover-spotlight with anyone else, and will stop at nothing to get a taste of the solo shine...

 It looks like Brad is putting up his fists in a show of machismo, but in actuality, he's just trying his best to grab a-hold of that murderous consonant...

True to the punk-rawk styling of her cover, Natalie's eyes seem to be saying:
"This V doesn't know me. I shaved my hair off for a role, so off with my head. I'll still be just as gorgeous, with or without."
...And she's probably right.

Luckily for the Lady, the glossy sheen on the yellow V made it nearly impossible to gain any traction on that fake-tan-slathered mug.

... Can I still fit in a "Poker Face" joke here? 
Err, I guess the question should be: Should I?
(The answer to both: No.)

Fearlessly shoving her face right into danger's jaws, Grace Jones is obviously well-aware of who she is.
(And that it would take a lot more than that to bring her ginormous ass down.)

Catherine McNeil has been in this industry awhile, and knows how to deal with a bitch who wants your head.
(Hence, the well-chosen leather gloves. Better grip.)

Okay, I will not make a joke about how Precious's head is too big for the V to effectively attack.
... Aw, dammit.

Don't blame the V for trying to decapitate Gwen Stefani, it seriously thought she was Madonna...
(Lot's of unresolved issues with the whole "Virgin" angle she took to in the eighties, made worse by the popularity of "Vogue.")

Someone's got letter-envy.


Well, luckily for all of the pretty celebrities, our homicidal Vixen was unsuccessful in her attempts to rid the world of a pretty face.

But to be honest, it's not really the celebs that I'm worried about at this point...

"U" and "W"? 

Watch your backs.

V knows where you live... Right next door.