Iron-Clad Style

Apparently one of the women in attendance at the Los Angeles premiere of "Iron Man 2" read the plot synopsis wrong, because Miss Thang (who comes last in this post,) showed up in some superheroic fashion, rather than allowing the Iron Man, himself, to take top honors.

DISCLAIMER: All of the women featured decided to wear either beige or white... Yeah.

I don't like it, but apparently they forgot to text me before finalizing their outfit-choices.

I've since changed their contact names in my phone to various STDs...

(I hold grudges.)

Putting that ugliness behind us, however, here are some of the starlets who wanted to show the world that, just like in the film, they, too, could soar above the clouds if given the right outfit.  

Let's begin the "Parade of Beige" with Gwyneth Paltrow, rocking a Giorgio Armani shorts suit which, while not entirely flattering to her figure, was pretty much in-line with what Madame Coldplay has been wearing on red carpets lately... Meh.

This outfit is so... vegan.

(I'll let you work out what that means on your own. Don't wanna step on any herbivorous toes!)

Leslie Bibb (aka Brooke McQueen) showed up wearing a beige Burberry number that was cute, girly, and trying it's damndest to "make up" for that gothic mistake of a make-up job.

The dress is telling your face that homegirl is in her early 30's.

While the make-up is whispering in your ear that she's actually approaching menopause some time in the next couple of hours.

(Not the best impression to make with one's face-paint. She's too pretty for that.)

Next, we have Olivia Munn, friend to woodland creatures everywhere, wearing an Herve Leger dress with fabric strips making up the garment in it's entirety.

This isn't exactly fashion-forward, but it's sexy, it fits her like a glove, and she has enough of that "exotic-yet-approachable" beauty in her face to make one forget all about the need to make a statement with your red carpet attire. 

To put it simply: Ms. Munn got it done.  

Finally, we have Scarlett Johansson straight-up saving the day in this magical Armani Prive mini-dress.

It's flattering, its sculptural, its beautiful, it's impeccable.

That is what a superhero wears on the red carpet, ladies and gents...

Which begs the question:

Why did Robert Downey Jr. not show up donning this exact same look? 

  

I would have died twice, and the Iron Man would have forever held the key to my heart.

(Even if his excessive body-hair had ruined the pristine-look of the dress, it's about intent, people... It's about intent.)