Jersey Whores

Here's a shot from the new issue of Harper's Bazaar, featuring the three "women" of that horrible MTV abomination, "Jersey Shore."

The premise of the shoot was that the girls get makeovers and "etiquette lessons," which really just means that they were forced to sober up and cover their boobs for an hour.

But if you're still having trouble telling who is who in this photo, they are (from left to right):

Drunk Slut, Snookie, and The Other One (Who's Also a Slut).

Really though, in terms of fashion, there's not too much going wrong here for the two girls on the wings.

(They look like normal women who were put in beautiful dresses, which is what they are.)

However, there's a whole lot of matronly, granny-fakery coming from the center of this pic.

Hot shoes or not, Snookie is a total LIE in that shot.

Anyway, in case you care, here's the "Before" picture:

That's what America has come to love.

Really, there was no need for the other two girls in this photoshoot, and that picture says it better than I ever could.