Thursday, March 4, 2010

Whores of Wonder

This is the slutty, gin-soaked counterpart to my previous Alice in Wonderland Premiere post.

And when I say "gin-soaked," that's your cue to grab a bottle, take a swig, and get ready for the klassy laydees comin' up!


This is some Australian pop star named Gabriella Cilmi. As you can see from her crooked smile and cock-eyed gaze into the camera, Gabriella is a little drunk.

She also is unaware of exactly where she is at the moment. 

You see, her girlfriends told her that they were all going to the "movie premiere," but what Gabby heard was "roofies and beer."

An honest, if alcohol-fueled, mistake.

As a result, here she is looking like it's half-past-two and the curls in her hair haven't completely fallen yet, so "Let's go to the next barrrrr! I wanna DANCE! ... Oh my God, where's my purse?"

Seriously though, the dress would be cute on the dance-floor. On the carpet? She looks a fool. 

*whispers* ...and there are splotches and runs in her tights...

Off with her head, but be sure to funnel some bottled water into her mouth afterwards. She'll thank you in the morning.

Here's Daisy Lowe.
The End.

...Oh, fine. 

Daisy is the daughter of Gavin Rossdale(!) and is also a model, which happen to be two things that I've held as personal goals for myself in life.

The sheer piece of sluttery that Daisy has on is from Louis Vuitton. (Oh, Marc. You make me smile.)

I really think the shoes and hair make this look for Miss Daisy-Down-Lowe here, as they really bring home the "pouty rich kid not-giving-a-shit" vibe that she looks so comfortable with.

But also? The purple bra and panties underneath are just too good to be ignored. 

After all, purple is a regal color, and I can't think of many things more regal than looking like a 'ho who's run away from her pimp and somehow found herself at a movie premiere. Bravo!

Off with her head, but leave the purple ribbon in. She's still gonna wanna look klassy, you know?


Eleanor Gecks (the who?) doesn't really belong in this post, but I couldn't help pining for the sluttery that could have been, had she opted for losing the tan strips on her gown and just wearing the black ones. 

All (okay most) of her naughty bits would have been covered up, and she still would have looked like she gave a damn.

As it stands? This is blah. With a side of bleugh.

Off with her... strips.


I'm happy to say that British singer/actress Paloma Faith does not appear to have a problem with drinking.

She does, however, seem to have a bad habit of sneaking into her Grandma's wardrobe. 

Not to mention her medicine cabinet.

This look reminds me of what Dita Von Teese might be wearing to media events, had she stayed with Marilyn Manson and lost all perception of reality.

Love the hat, though.

Off with her head... but can someone pick that hat up afterwards? I need something to wear during my bathroom mirror concert sessions (album dropping soon!)

To bring this miserable post to an end, I figured I would feature none other than Ms. Vivienne Westwood, herself.

Is she wearing a fringed-blanket as a coat? Maybe.

 Did she fashion her dress from the covers of old velour pillows? Possibly.

Is she wearing a tiara on her neon-colored head? Definitely.

Still, though. She rules. She doesn't need to look sane.

I would say "Off with her head..." but I'm pretty sure its Vivienne, herself, who has been doing the beheadings this whole time. 

I should probably watch my back.


No comments:

Post a Comment