Okay, there's really no such thing as "Alice in Candyland," but if there was, I'm pretty sure it'd look a helluva lot like the video for Katy Perry's summer anthem, "California Gurls."
Which, by the way, is gonna be the focus for this fashion recap.
(Isn't it odd how, whenever I go a long time without posting, my absence-breaking post is always focused on Miss Perry? Huh. I guess she's my muse...)
Anyway, as I take you through Katy's adventures through the candy looking glass, I'm gonna include both scenic and close-up shots, just because this video has some seriously delicious and colorful eye-candy that's not to be missed.
Let's go, then:
If we're continuing with the Katy/Alice comparisons, this outfit would be the Perry-equivalent to Alice's "blue dress with white apron."
In other words, it says everything you need to know about our heroine:
She's fun, she's colorful, and she's tasty... (Even if not entirely tasteful.)
This second look is basically a "Slutty Halloween costume" version of a girl scout's uniform, which Katy wears as she charms the pants (and arms, and legs) off of a hapless gingerbread man...
Dig the chocolate chip cookie beret and plethora of merit badges Miss Perry has earned for herself.
(Although something tells me her scout mother (or whoever) is gonna strip that shit right offa her back once word of Sir Russell Brand makes it's way around the troop.)
... But moving on:
This is Katy's "dance routine" outfit, consisting of some sparkly (of-fucking-course) cut-off shorts, and a couple of heavily-frosted cupcakes serving as a non-diabetic-friendly bustier.
(I personally think that they missed a great opportunity here to use actual ice cream cones in an homage to Madonna's "cone-bra," but ehh... The cupcakes are cute enough, I suppose.)
Next, we have a snapshot straight outta my dreams, as Katy lounges around some cotton candy clouds in the nude.
Love the Gaga-inspired hairbow and frosted rings, though.
(Just because you're bare-ass naked don't mean you can't accessorize.)
Continuing in the vein of "inspired by Gaga," here we have Katy's answer to that ridiculous "sparkler-bra" that the Lady has been known to wear...
... Only this one?
Shoots out whipped cream, bitches.
(Yes, yes, and YES!)
Finally, as our tour comes to a close, we end with my favorite outfit of the entire video:
They took those lame-tasting but beautiful-looking candy buttons from all of our childhoods, blew them up, and wrapped them around our sweet-toothed heroine.
Plus, you can't really tell from the image, but her shoes are covered with the life-size versions of the candy buttons:
I live... And I die... And I live yet again.
Now, I feel pretty rotten for having to say this, but umm...
Queen Frostine, could you come out here, please?
I'm really sorry, but your 20-year reign as "Queen Candy Bitch of My Heart" has come to an end...
The Queen is dead.
Long live the Queen.