A Post of Very Few Words

Supermodel Lara Stone got married.

After the ceremony, she changed into a fabulous custom-made dress by Givenchy designer Ricardo Tisci.

Uh-Mazing.

Pink: Hit and Miss

You know, the color pink is one for which I have about equal amounts of love and disdain.

As a youngster, my favorite color was hot pink (of course,) but the unfortunate dawn of the Avril/Hot Topic pink-and-black color combo has left me weary of it's level of appeal for rational adults...

With that in mind, let's take a look-see at how the color has the potential to both tickle me pink and somehow leave me clutching my stomach while reaching for that pink bottle of Pepto-Bismol:

Pink 

(Done Right)

Christian Dior Resort 2011

It's fun, it's over-the-top girly, and it touches on nearly every shade of the color in a single, bubblegum-flavored gown.

Sure, it's a bit obnoxious, but that pretty much comes with the territory when you're dealing with the default color-setting of the less imaginative "girly-girls" of the world.

In other words: the concept of "subtlety" must be tossed to the winds like so many wisps of cotton candy whenever pink is involved.

I mean, it's bright and totally yummy-looking, which is the whole point. 

Now...

Pink

(Done Busted)

Oh, gurl...

I'm gonna have to ask you to ignore the majority of this truck-stop hooker massacre of an outfit and focus solely on that tangled, jankified jacket that Miss Naomi chose to wear here.

(I can only assume that, since homegirl is no longer allowed to use cell-phones of any kind, she's resorted to using her own clothing choices as her preferred method of attack... Her victims? Our eyeballs, of course.)

Now, I've been racking my brain, and I just can't decide on a solid theory about what Naomi must have gone through to secure this look for herself. 

However, I've narrowed it down to the two most likely possibilities:

1. She attacked and shaved a pink poodle.

2. She went through Jem's trash, found one of her torn-up old wigs, and just threw it over her shoulders.

... Either way, Naomi?

You can keep it. The bitch don't want it back.

Cate at Cannes

... Killing it in Alexander McQueen.

Now, take a quick journey with me into my (gayer-than-gay) imagination:

The Scenario: 

For some reason, I've been put in charge of a stage production of "The Life and Times of George Washington."

The Budget:

Only the limits of my heart's contentment. (In other words: None.)

The Cast:

Strictly runway models.

The Costumes:

This Dress. Worn by everyone. Including the father of our nation.

The Reviews:

Rave.

... Aaand, we're back. 

(Special Thanks to Cate Blanchett!)

Amanda Fans the Flames

Here's Amanda Seyfried at the premiere of her new movie "Letters to Juliet," wearing an amazing blue-and-white Roland Mouret dress from the designer's Fall 2010 collection.

I gotta say, it looks a little less... lumpy on the model, but those colors seem to pop more on the camera-flashing red carpet.

Regardless of the question of "who wore it better," however, this really is one of the most unique and memorable movie premiere looks that I've seen in a hot minute...

It's probably because I kneel at the altar of blue, light worship candles in honor of fan details, and pretty much fold for anything vaguely resembling turbulent skies.

(I swear, it's like Roland Mouret wants me on my knees... Umm, pretend I didn't just say that. It's in parentheses, so technically I didn't... Right? Isn't that how they work?)

Anyway, Amanda looks ferocious here.

But I gotta admit: I recently passed on the opportunity to see a free screening of this movie, because it looked like it would do nothing but make me want to date a young Hollywood actor... (Which is a struggle I face every day regardless, so no, thank you!)

For some reason, though, this dress actually made me feel slightly bad about skipping it.

The Powers of Fashion:  
Making people pointlessly regret making pointless decisions to not see pointless movies.

(I just got a chill.)

Bit O' Ditto

The latest addition to my "Musicians/Style Icons Whom I Adore" series of posts is none other than Beth Ditto, the ample-framed lead singer of the electro-rock group Gossip.

Now, as you can see from her pictures, Miss Ditto is a big girl...

But what you can also see (if you so choose) is that she is a person whose confidence overcomes any wide lines or extra bulges that she may bring out of an outfit.

After all, anyone who can rock some of the fun, cheeky looks that this woman does deserves my attention not for the amount of pressure that gravity forces down on her body, but for the amount of pressure that her body forces down on the rest of the skinny bitches of the world...

Eat yourself a rice cake, then bow down to this queen.

Modeling her own clothing line:

Workin' the hell out of some Alexander McQueen:

And finally: Catching some eyes and turning some heads:

... So, the next time you find yourself moping over taking one bite too many, think of Beth.

The woman is living, strutting, singing proof that, at any weight and any size, it's possible to be beautiful, sexy, and fashionable.

Think of it this way: "If you've got more body to cover, you're just giving designers a bigger canvas on which to create."

(And I think it's safe to say that Beth has transformed her body into a work of art on more than one occasion.)

But if you're still not a believer in the magic that this woman weaves, here are a few parting shots:

Bitches. Bow. Down.

The Queen B.

Try as you might, there's just no denying that Beyonce is one of the reigning queens of modern pop music.

Whether you'd pay money for one of her weave tracks or stay awake at night praying that she takes another Youtube-sponsored tumble off the stage, you have to admit: the girl's got style.

That's why I'm somewhat ashamed to concede that I really haven't touched on her fashion sense at all in this blog...

Until now.

You see, whether you like her music and persona is irrelevant when you consider the risks that this woman takes, both on and off the stage.

In fact, browsing though the "Beyonce's Outfit Choices" book has proven to be quite the tumultuous experience.

... Let me guide you through my emotional journey:

JEALOUSY:

"Man, that girl can fill out a mini-skirt like it's a tax return... I hate her."

ADMIRATION:

"Regardless of color or style, she never fails to work a gown like she aint never heard of labor laws... I love her."

CONCERN:

"I'm not tryin' to blow up her spot, but homegirl is obviously not completely drug-free... I worry for her."

All joking aside, she really does knock it out way more than she strikes out.

And in the on-going game of fashion, that's all that really matters, right?

... Long live the queen.

Michelle Obama on Cinco De Mayo

For the Cinco de Mayo reception at the White House yesterday, Michelle Obama wore an easter egg-looking Thakoon dress that pretty much knocked my Mexican socks off.

Sure, it may not be the most flattering for her mid-section, but homegirl looked vibrant, attention-stealing, and festive.

In other words, a perfect look for the "Throw a margarita in my face!" holiday.  

Muy bonita!

Oof... I think I just sprained a finger while trying to act like I speak Spanish.

Won't happen again.

The 2010 Met Ball, Part 1

The time has come for The Costume Institute Gala Benefit, which celebrates the opening of the "American Woman: Fashioning a Nation Identity" exhibition and is held at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City.

It's all very nice, of course, but what really matters to me is the fact that the brightest and hottest stars showed up and showed out on the event's red carpet.

(To keep things tidy, I'm gonna organize the looks by grouping them into posts according to their varying levels of sartorial-success.)

The connecting theme of this post?

"Almost, But Not Quite... Except for you, Kristen Stewart. You just fail."

Here's Emma Watson in a white, custom-made Burberry creation.

While this dress initially struck me as elegant and pretty, a prolonged look at the details leaves me unimpressed.

That draping fabric doesn't really seem to have any rhyme or reason to it's placement and structure, giving the impression that it was just wrapped around her body and stapled into place.

(Love the mirrored clutch, though.)

Score: 6/10

Next, we have Jessica Biel in a vintage Ralph Lauren dress.

Again, this is a case of: "Pretty at first glance, falls apart at second."

It's a beautiful gown in a delicious fabric, but that draping along the bust looks a little... lopsided and inelegant to me.

I totally get the point of what it's trying to do, but all it makes me wanna do is walk up to Jessica and fiddle it into place.

Score: 7/10

Now we have Taylor Swift, who also opted for Ralph Lauren.

This is classic and classy.

... But easily classifiable as such, as well.

It kinda bothers me that there's no real element of surprise to it...

But then, I guess nobody ever said that "surprise" is a prerequisite for successful red carpet attire.

Plus, she looks like a straight-up movie star, so I really have no pieces of bitch-fruit to throw at her.

Score: 8/10

(Sigh... This bitch.)

Here's Kristen Stewart wearing a black Chanel dress.

On the plus side, it's nice to see that she's staying loyal to her soon-to-be trademark color: Bitch Black.

But on the minus side: Everything else.

(And the top of the bustier totally looks like the infamous Louis Vuitton bunny ears.)

I might have given this a chance or two, had Miss Stewart at least made the effort of looking like she gives a damn, but alas, her tightly-pursed lips and dry bitchface are making it all but impossible for me to do so.  

Sorry, Bella!

Score: 4/10